Battle Field of The Mind: My Story

I never in my life would have ever thought to enter such a contest that has to do with opening up about myself or exposing what breaks me down the most, issues about my weight, self image, not loving or liking myself, self rejection because of what I had to deal with such pain in my life and my inner depression that I have pretty much been dealing with on my own and almost ruining my life because I no longer knew how to deal with it.

I will share my story as best as I can so that you can really understand how this all comes together for me and how Fit for Life Challenge and my faith helped me get through this all and changed my life forever. Sometimes we have to make huge sacrifices in our lives that shouldn’t benefit others but should really matter to your heart, life and family.

I am doing this Fit for Life Challenge because people believed in me so much, when I didn’t believe in myself, to do this and took that leap of faith, with prayer, to finally for once in my life, to do something I have never done before. That is to finally accept and love myself for who I am and not worry anymore about what anyone thinks of me, says about me or tells me how I am not beautiful or pretty. All of this caused me to believe what was told or done to me and live a life in so much pain that I didn’t care about myself.

My name is Rita Hernandez, 35 years old, born and raised in San Antonio. I was what you call an ugly ducking pretty much all my childhood and early teens. I was the one who was laughed at and always made fun of because of what I looked like. Super skinny and no beauty what so ever. I had to deal with the scars of all the name calling, and paper thrown in the back of my head, by the mean boys who sat behind me, just saying every ugly name in the book to me.  I have dealt with rejection and self image issues all throughout my life that has caused me to live with this  depression. These kids never realized how much pain they were causing me in my life. I remember when I was younger, that I wanted to gain weight because I was so skinny. So sure enough, I tried to stay away from the world and just be away from everyone because I felt so ashamed.

High School was a little bit better for me because I started to wear makeup to cover all of my flaws. I was still super skinny and was still dealing with self image problems. I started to realize I hated when people would take pictures of me or video tape me. I really did not appreciate what I looked like what so ever. I did not respect anything about myself and was never happy about myself. I remember thinking, I hate waking up and having to look at myself in the mirror. I had actually started to believe all the words that were said to me and things that were done to me. That’s when alcohol became my best friend during my high school days. I figured, hang out with the cool kids and do things you are not supposed to, that people will love you, and I did. I lost respect for myself, but did not lose total control because I was still a good kid because I figured I am only hurting myself and not anyone else.

All throughout my years till after graduating high school, I weighed about 90lbs. Yup, supper thin and when I had my 1st daughter at age 20, I weighed up to 190lbs. I looked horrible. Oh my goodness, did I go through some major depression during the pregnancy. So, I got my wish of finally gaining weight, but I was so swollen and again, hit rock bottom yet again in my mind, which caused major depression which led to me eating whatever food was put in my path. My excuse was, I was pregnant and I was having cravings. I pretty much went through the pregnancy alone and became an introvert. I stayed away from the world and only came outside to get the mail. I was always thinking, is my life going to ever get better. After I had my daughter, I tried my best to lose the baby fat, and try to get to a decent weight. Again, the one thing I regret was that I hated to take pictures or videos, so I really do not have many memories of my pregnancy. Any pictures that I did have, I would blot out with a marker because again, I did not like what I looked like.

Time passed and in 2001, I met my Husband, Blas, and of course he though I was an Angel from Heaven, but every time he would compliment me, I would turn them away. I was still caring a lot of pain from my past and letting those thoughts control my life. So every time he would tell me that I was beautiful, I would say, no I’m not. When I was pregnant with our daughter Jasmine, I did the same thing and was not liking the weight gain and not wanting to take any pictures or videos of myself. I had many people who did not really understand me and how I was feeling during my pregnancy and would tell me horrible things and would remind me of how not pretty I was and that I was a nobody. Gosh, talk about going back to my elementary school days. So, of course, I believed the words that were said to me.  That pain and the scars that were there were yet again ripped open and my bad thoughts ruled.

After my Jasmine was born in 2004, it took a whole year to come to my senses and started to go to church and live by Faith and the Word, I realize I wanted to change my life for my husband, my daughters and myself. After being a smoker for as long as I can remember, and knowing that I had asthma, I decided to quit. Knowing that alcohol caused me migraines, drinking no longer became just because, I need to drink and I started to eat healthier and lost about 20lbs. It felt great.

During these past couple of years, I have come along way and live solely by my faith and love that I receive from my father in heaven. Yeah, I still had my bad days and many people did hurt me along the way. Especially those I trusted and opened up to about my life, but I was able to handle things a whole lot better. So everything became about helping and doing things for others, that I forgot all about me. I knew that I was healthy enough because I had quit smoking, drinking, eating a bit better, but I never really made time to exercise. Since I was living my life in content, I was comfortable with my weight.

All this being said, I had worked in the health and wellness industry since 1997 and after graduation in 1993 and majoring in the fitness industry, didn’t keep me from hurting myself. I have family history of heart disease, breast cancer, ovarian cancer, diabetes, high cholesterol and high blood pressure. I started thinking, boy I really need to do something for myself to avoid all of this. I was stressing myself out about so many things, that I realized something needed to be done.

This is where we are at today and where I know the Fit for Life Challenge is meant for me because I am finally doing something for myself to better my health. I finally have the confidence to look in the mirror and love what I see, no matter what anyone says and no matter what struggles I face that is going to bring me down. I have learned to love every flaw about myself and be proud of who I am. I am the Daughter of my Father of the most High, daughter to my mother and father, wife to my husband Blas, and mother to my two beautiful daughters, Amanda and Jasmine.  I am a step mom, step grandma, sister, aunt, and friend to many. I am an entrepreneur business women and am starting my own nonprofit organization called Inspiration 4 Life.

Just to let you know, Inspiration 4 Life comes from all of this that I have endured in my life and I want to help others over come the same pains and want to Inspire others that they too can do the things in life they always want to do, no matter what anyone tells them. This has been a crazy journey for me and this Fit for Life Challenge is definitely helping me do something for myself that I do for others and know now that I can continue this healthy journey, when it is all said and done.

One thing I do want to say is that life can be a battlefield and most of it is in your own mind, you can be your own worst enemy but always remember Proverbs 23:7 “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he…” Renew your mind! Cast down the negative things that people say about you or to you and also the negative things you say about yourself, think positive and know that you can do anything that you set your mind to with the help from the good Lord!! We have our bad days but don’t let it consume or control your life!

Stay fit San Antonio!! Be an Inspiration 4 Life!!

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